The Optimist Genius
by pikachugirl2
Summary: Ness and Paula agree to make Apple Kid as angry as possible in exchance for some serious cash from Orange Kid. This would be easy...if Apple Kid weren't an optimist. Oneshot. Minor one-sided Orange KidxPaula.


The boy slammed the money onto the desk. Ness couldn't believe his eyes; that was more money then he'd ever seen in his life, even considering all the money his father had put into his bank account. Paula, however showed no interest, and pointed her finger accusingly at him.

"Orange Kid, considering the nasty things you do to people, I really don't think doing anything for you will do anything for us. Besides, we don't need the-"

Ness slapped his hand over Paula's mouth before she could finish. "NO! Don't listen to her! We'll do whatever you say, Orangy, my pal! Mr. Orange! Oh-so-Orange one! Orangutan! Ora-"

Paula ripped her hand off Ness's mouth and lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. "Alright, one, you're awful at sucking up. Two, just think what he could get us to do with that much money! That's over $10,000! He could get people to kill with that kind of money!"

Ness rolled his eyes. "Pssh, I'd kill you for three bucks."

Everything in Paula screamed to hit Ness in the groin with a thick frying pan, but she held back the urge for Orange Kid's sake. She sighed.

"Fine, I'll play along…what would we have to do for all this money, Orange Kid?"

"Two things. One, bow down to me and call me the almighty genius."

Paula snorted in disgust. Ness, however, was already on his knees, bowing repeatedly. Paula shook her head with pity and amusement simultaneously.

"Have you no shame, Ness? And apparently no dignity, either, to be bowing down to this fat-"

"ALRIGHT ORANGE KID! What next?" Ness shouted over Paula's voice. Orange Kid smirked, leaning back in his chair.

"Nuh-uh. Paula didn't bow. Come on, sweet cheeks, bow to me and tell me I'm awesome."

Paula growled angrily. "Oh good Giygas, if it makes Ness shut up." She reluctantly got on her knees and bowed as well. Standing up, she shivered.

"Orange Kid, there's mold growing on the floor! Don't you ever clean anything, you overweight fa-"

"NOW WHAT?" Ness once again cut off her sentence.

Orange Kid thought to himself for a moment before smirking. "Alright. Two. If you can make Apple Kid angry by the start of the Runaway Five show tonight, you can have all this moolah. Capice?"

Ness nodded frantically. Paula whirled the boy around to face her as Orange Kid trudged to the bathroom.

"Ness, you IDIOT. Apple Kid is an OPTIMIST."

"I thought he had 20-20 vision."

"No, not an opthamologist, an optimist. He always looks on the bright side. This is just Orange Kid trying to get Apple Kid against us. With MONEY."

"Oh, snap…can we back out?"

"After that pitiful display of yours, no. I suggest you start brainstorming ideas."

"Well, experimenting is just as good as learning. We should go next door and pay the dude a visit."

Paula smiled. "As long as you don't call him any stupid names like Apple Tree, or Apple Juice, or-"

Ness shrugged. "Hey, it was for the cha-ching."

Paula laughed, holding the door open for him. "I can tell you're not a big-city boy. Ladies first."

"Why thank you, sir." Ness skipped out the door. Paula's face burned with the returning desire to hit Ness with her strongest PSI Freeze and throw him off the top of Polestar Preschool.

Ness gently knocked on the door of Apple Kid's house. "Apple? You in there? Open up, it's your buddy, Ness! I brought my gal!"

Paula sighed angrily. She hated it when Ness used her to seem cool, like he could ever get a girlfriend the way he acted now.

Apple Kid opened the door, a big grin on his face. "Hey guys! I'm working on this new invention, Zombie Paper! Sound useful at all? You're free to-"

Paula gasped when Ness slugged Apple Kid across the face. Ness smiled brightly as Apple Kid held the spot where he'd been hit, tears in his eyes. "How do you like that, geek?"

Much to the surprise of both of the Chosen Ones, Apple Kid shook his head and smiled, his hair bobbing as he did. "Thanks! I slept in today, and I didn't feel fully awake, so that was a real nice thing, it was!"

Apple Kid motioned Ness and Paula inside. Ness turned to Paula in shock. "How does…why…he just…how can anyone do that?"

"I told you, optimism. You got any more bright ideas?"

"Yeah. LOADS." Ness's eyes fell upon the Zombie Paper Apple Kid had been working on. He leaned over to Paula and whispered in her ear. "Use PSI Fire on that thing. It'll make him pretty darn angry if it works."

Paula sighed. There was no way Apple Kid would get mad, but it was worth a try. When Apple Kid had his head turned, Paula shot off her new attack, PSI Fire Beta. Sure enough, the paper burned to ash. When Apple Kid turned around, two glasses of cold apple juice in his hand, he looked at the ashes curiously. Ness smiled.

"Looks like Paula's PSI Fire is improving every day, and especially after roasting and toasting that dumb thing over there!" He patted Paula on the head playfully.

Apple Kid shrugged. "Guess it isn't attack-proof after all. I'll just have to make another that's resistant to Freeze AND Fire!"

Ness groaned. "Oh my GOD…"

Paula nudged him with her elbow. "We got a problem. Orange Kid set that time limit on purpose…the Runaway Five's show is in ten minutes!"

Ness took a deep breath. "This is the only thing I can think to do as a drastic measure…"

Ness pulled out his baseball bat and did the worst thing he could think of; his eyes scanned the room and rested upon an Exit Mouse that he'd come to know as Apple Kid's pet. With one quick swing down, he killed the poor thing on the spot. Since it was so small, there wasn't much blood, but Paula was still horrified that someone like Ness could even think of such a thing to do. Even worse, Apple Kid had seen the whole thing. Apple Kid sighed and looked at his feet.

"Thank you, Ness. He was ill, and I tried again and again to cure him, but you've helped me realize I should've put him out of his misery sooner."

Ness angrily pinned Apple Kid against the wall. "Listen, you orthopedic freak!"

"Optimistic!" Paula shouted.

"WHATEVER! Look! Why do you NEVER get mad? WHAT does it take? I want my $10,000 from Orange Kid, so just…just…GET ANGRY ALREADY!"

Apple Kid froze. "Wait, ORANGE KID asked you to do that?"

Ness didn't drop his guard. "What's it to ya?"

Apple Kid laughed. "Orange Kid just invented a machine that prints fake money and he told me he'd fine some suckers to try it out on. Sadly, I think you've been fooled."

Ness shot a glare out the window to Orange Kid, who was staring out his window laughing at the poor boy. Ness turned to Paula.

"Hey, you've wanted to hit me all day, right?"

Paula nodded. "Heck yes."

Ness patted his bat against his palm. "What do you say we go get your frying pan some exersize?"

Paula and Ness rushed out the door without another word. Apple Kid laughed watching as Orange Kid screamed, being tortured by Ness and Paula.

"Hey, what are you-ACK! GUYS! I have to breathe-NO! NOT THERE! NOT WITH A FRYING-"

And Ness and Paula never spoke of being tricked by Orange Kid again.


End file.
